conclusion.

nicely2

I’ve recently found a piece on Robot Hugs about coming out and the conclusive narratives people develop about you (‘Ah, you’re gay/trans*/queer/asexual! I always knew, because you would do this/play that/ dress like xyz as a child/ in your youth etc. pp. That explains a lot!’), which I really liked and which struck a lot of chords with me.

As much as ‘coming out’ is a step that we’re told is necessary by a hetero-normative cis-sexist society, it is not our story. As much as there might be some things that seem to similar for a lot of queer people (yes, many of us go through certain phases in our lives because we face the same oppressions, rejections and have similar doubts because society implies there’s something wrong with us), we all have our own unique stories.*

Our straight, linear, mono-temporal societies like to tell conclusive, flawless stories about how people become who they are. And how they learned to fit in. Defined their space. But our individual stories are far more complex and worthwhile and a lot of things don’t fall into place as easily and nicely as we expect them to . They are far more ‘frictious’ than the ideals that we’re expected to live up to. There are loose ends and threads that lead nowhere. Instead of believing that this due to our overall awkwardness and inconclusive history (‘But I did like to play with dolls, though…’) we should celebrate these as open ends to an ongoing process of developing ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with being constantly in-between.

*If you’re interested to deep dive into that, read Adriana Cavarero: Relating Narratives

This picture will also be featured in the #2 issue of Mothmilk, which you will soon find here

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